wherein the author seeks employ

As you may know, my last foray into the working world ate a family size bag of salt-n-vinegar rat dicks. It ended quickly and relatively painlessly, the only collateral damage suffered was to my wallet, and even that didn't amount to much more than walking around money. However, I enjoy that filthy lucre and all that it affords, luxurious items such as petrol and a cup of coffee; so I am nonchalantly trying to find a job in between domestically engineering this bad mofo of a family and bong hits. There isn't much around this area that it pays to apply for -- either the wage is inherently low or the wage is normal but the drive to retrieve it requires a personal line of credit.

Today on my casual stroll through the virtual want ads I happened upon an opening at the company I left recently. Their ads look so promising and professional which is no indication of how one's working life will look upon signing The Papers, should one have the misfortune of being offered a job here. I noticed something while I ripped apart the job description as overwhelming pity built in my chest for the unlucky candidate who would someday hold this position. In the header, right there, they are speaking in code to the applicants. One cent. One cent? That is approximately how much they are willing to pay. Truth in advertising.

It's an employer's market out there. Be careful, kids.

And yeah, I don't care that I just name-checked this piece of shit.